Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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