you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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