I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
