You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
