That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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