Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
