god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
