If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
