Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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