i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
