I CAN MOONWALK!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
