HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
