ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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