just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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