So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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