"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
