I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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