your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
