he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
