Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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