nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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