Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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