I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
