Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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