you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
