the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
