I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
