So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
