Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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