I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
