Ketchup is God's man juice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
