In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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