haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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