my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
