Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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