I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
