my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
