Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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