you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
there is glitter all over my balls
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
