yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
