And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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