textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
