ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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