Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
