I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
