he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
