I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
