We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think i have two assholes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
