Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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