Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
