Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
