and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
