He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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